It’s a beautiful thing to step out in faith and then see God work, isn’t it? We can ride that high for days. Sure, it’s hard to take those steps into the abyss of life when we truly can’t see how in the world something will work out, but wow, when God shows up, it is mind-boggling to see Him do things that only He can do. In those exact moments, faith is easy.
Unfortunately, we can only ride those “faith waves” for a short time. Life continues on, and before we know it, we are being called to take another step into the darkness, calling on our faith to carry us through yet again. The raw thing is that we can grow weary in those steps, can’t we? It feels great when we see God show up, but having to continually step off of the cliff of faith, trusting that God will show up, can wear us out.
I currently run five businesses, and all five are connected to ministry in one way or another. I keep waiting for God to actually replace one of them instead of asking me to add to the list, but so far, that hasn’t been the case. And I’m not complaining. I love doing God’s work. It’s just that I tire of doing it on a wing and prayer, you know? I wish that just once God would give me the finances and the exact plans I need to do His work instead of always asking me to do them having faith that He will provide both the money and the means.
Every single time God tells me it’s time to move to another venture or expand on the ones I’m doing, there is no money and there is no clear path. He simply says, “Move,” and I move. The path is always made clear—eventually—and the money always shows up—when I need it and not a moment before—but it’s never there with the call. It comes after, and often incrementally.
Now, just because I move when God says move, please don’t think that I’ve got this faith thing figure out. I don’t. As a matter of fact, just the other day I was caught complaining out loud to a friend that I was tired of it. God had recently instructed me to expand my Biblical counseling center, but of course, that was going to cost me significantly more money. Since this was also money I didn’t actually have right then, she caught me feeling sorry for myself. I believe my exact words to her, in the foyer of the church, no less, were, “I’m tired of having faith.”
She laughed a little nervously, not sure what to do with the Bible teacher telling her that she was tired of “having faith.” When she realized that I wasn’t laughing, she stopped, too. “You’re serious?” she asked hesitantly. “But faith is what you do!”
I sort of shrugged and said, “I know. I’m just tired of doing everything in faith. Why can’t God ask me to do something, just once, and give me what I need to do it?” I hugged her then and told her not to pay attention to my whining. I was simply being silly.
But I wasn’t, not really. I was serious, but I probably shouldn’t have said it out loud.
I did, however, say it out loud to God that night and then again the next morning during my quiet time. “God,” I said, “I know you call us to faith in You and faith in knowing that You never ask us to do something that You won’t provide for. But I’m tired, and I’m scared. Why can’t you show me how things will work out this time, or maybe at least give me the finances I need to make it work? I know You’ll provide, but why can’t You provide ahead of time instead of in the nick of time?”
I sort of sat there then, feeling a little sorry for myself. I know all the things. I know that God ultimately wants us to trust Him and not ourselves. I know the vernacular, but sometimes the vernacular doesn’t help in the moment. Sometimes I simply want to see; I want to have assurance.
I love that my pouting doesn’t stop God’s love. Right in the middle of my pout, just as He often does, God whispered revelatory love in my ear.
“Deb, I could certainly give you a million dollars right now, and that would most definitely be an act of my love for you. But you would feel that love once. You would receive that ‘love hug’ once, and it would be real, but it would only be once. Beloved, I want to love you over and over. I desire to hug you many times, and every time I provide for you, I show you that love. Wouldn’t you rather feel my hugs many times instead of just the one time?”
Wow. I couldn’t even move for a moment. And then I said, “Yes, Father! Yes, I want Your love over and over. I’ll take it every day, please!!”
My entire attitude changed in an instant. God does desire that we depend on Him and not on ourselves, but He desires even more to love us over and over and over again. Each and every time God shows up with the things we need, seemingly out of nowhere, He is literally demonstrating His love for us in tangible ways. If we get all that we need in one act, we feel His love once. We see it as His love, but it’s once. How much more beautiful to experience it numerous times! How much more marvelous to feel God’s “love hugs” in every single instance that He makes a way!
Fellow believers, God tells us in Jeremiah 31:3: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With an unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” (NLT)
This is forever and it is continual. Why would we rebel in the face of such love simply because it requires faith? Instead, may we respond with, “Yes, Lord. I’ll take it every day, please!”